Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Pop-up Wellness Respite

   
Massage Camp
     A friend and I were able to touch in after the disaster in Puerto Rico this past month with a mobile massage offering. Our pop-up beach spa focused on volunteers, health care workers, teachers and organizers. At times we went off the beach and into the communities with hopeful hands. Thankfully, it wasn't difficult to find willing massage participants. I feel so enriched by those who reflected their open hearts and minds right back at us. The healing power of loving presence was so clear and permeating, we were often brought to tears. Sharing intentions of healing energy and holding space for even short periods of time was truly meaningful and worthwhile for all involved.

Now to bring those loving intentions and actions into daily life where it's often easy to get side-tracked with unhelpful mind states. The homework I've assigned for myself is to keep a softer lens on my day-to-day encounters. Knowing that any action can be healing when done with love, why bother with any other motivator? I'm inspired to explore more ways to generate and serve it up in 2018. I believe we are all being called to uplift the collective consciousness. It feels like an energetic emergency! Just think of all the ways there are to acknowledge our infinitely interconnected selves.

One Love
I suspect that January's blue moon was partially responsible for the ease in feeling the cosmic alignment that's always in play? Or maybe it was the ocean salt soaks, barefoot sand walks, and fires at night while communing with the stars. The sounds of the cicadas, coquis, crashing waves, and the occasional booming surround-sound systems all resonated with my own natural rhythms. Even the bug bites reminded me of our unavoidable connectedness.

To top it off, which we did regularly, thanks to a remarkable invention by Moses West! His super amazing Atmospheric Water Generator kept us very happily hydrated all month long. Drinking atmospheric water was transformative to my whole being. Every cell in my body seemed to dance when I drank it. Guzzling our finely filtered surroundings also added a whole new meaning to becoming one with nature. I hope his brilliant solution for harvesting clean water and making it available to all, catches on fast! Especially since we all know WATER IS LIFE.

Moses West and his Atmospheric Water Generator
Paired with the purest water I've ever ingested, it was also my first time traveling with vegan intentions. For the most part, I felt victorious and found my way around animal agriculture just fine. Especially (and mainly) because we quickly took meals into our own hands. Our first few rounds of shopping opened my eyes to sparsity and long lines. I became concerned that I'd end up eating nothing but processed chemicals to survive. The kid in me was secretly hoping I'd be 'forced' into buying those enormous canisters of Keebler Elf soda crackers featured in every aisle. Instead, my travel companion and I sought out real food at the farmer's market. Twice per week a truck pulled into town with fruits, vegetables and nuts. We were able to keep a cooler maintained for continuous salad making. Fresh, pungent turmeric (acquired from a local garden) went on everything, along with apple cider vinegar and olive oil. Consequently, we ended up thriving rather than just surviving.

Teacher massage day in Vieques
Knowing that everything and all of us are connected, how can we contribute to collective healing today? There's little doubt of the collective disturbance and discord in us (as individuals, and as a society). Thankfully, we all have direct access to the healing power of loving presence as the anecdote for much of our suffering. Confrontations with fear, skepticism and doubt seem to be scattered all over the place, but serve as great reminders to simply trust in the supreme power of love.

I am seeing that to give is to receive and in receiving we allow others to have the gift of giving. In this way, how could we possibly identify as the givers or the helpers? Who would be helping who? Perhaps there are no others and we're all in this together? Instead of applauding each other for helping, why not recognize that we are also simultaneously the helped? On that note, here are some clarifying words from the Aboriginal Activists Groups (Queensland, 1970s):

"If you have come to help me you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together."  

Thursday, January 4, 2018

Karma Cooks

Chop, Chop!
      Grandma loved to cook. She also spent much of her time thinking, talking and reading about cooking. When we went out to restaurants she had the habit of asking people at neighboring tables about their selection, "That looks delicious; what is it?" She had an undeniable way of equating loving care with food. Consistent with her sense of hospitality she supported her family as a career waitress. When she wasn't out serving food at a bustling restaurant she could be found in her own kitchen, feeding her family, and a regular crew of drop-ins. Browsing through her well used Betty Crocker cookbook (which I feel fortunate to have inherited) I recall her nurturing ways.
 
Unlike both of my grandmothers I did not have a household of mouths to feed, nor did I live through the Great Depression. I've never followed a recipe from Betty Crocker, and wouldn't know what to do with a frozen chicken. Contrastingly, my interest in cooking grew from working in beautiful yoga focused settings, emphasizing the path of karma yoga. Karma yoga is also known as "seva" or selfless service. The idea is to serve from the heart which is accomplished by tending to the present moment with compassion for all. It's one of the branches of yoga that seeks to develop habits of mindfulness during ordinary tasks. Whether working in a kitchen or just feeding yourself everyday, food preparation is one of the many practical ways to practice yoga.

Garden to Table
My first experience with karma yoga was at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health in Massachusetts. During the 3.5 month commitment at the center I had a rather tumultuous relationship with my kitchen shifts. I was often fixated on experiencing the more pleasant parts of the day. Yoga classes, lectures, outdoor time and freedom were all waiting for me. If only I could check the mundane, time consuming, kitchen chores off my list. Despite the advice we received about doing our work with love and presence, my mind was often watching the clock. "Cut up one more bag of potatoes and then I'll start enjoying this place."

In addition to not getting the point of karma yoga, I was content in assuming the best about the origins of my food. My emphasis on being healthy had little regard for the planet. Yet, there would always be someone initiating a food reflection. The reflections acknowledged everything and everyone involved in making the meal possible. Just another thing I muddled through,"Yes, the food had to go through a lot to get here, let's eat already!" Looking back at my tender young self gives me a sense of compassion for those who may feel similarly today. During my karma yoga experiences, I always enjoyed participating in a vegetarian lifestyle, but inevitably resumed an all-inclusive cuisine once I returned to the "real world."

Cookbook Revolution
I did not anticipate transitioning to a vegan diet at the age of 45. However, the realities of animal agriculture, climate change and land misuse became suddenly unpalatable to me. If animal agriculture is the main cause of deforestation, why was I supporting it? Factory farming practices were not getting any less  cruel, corrupt or unsustainable. My strategy of eating only grass-fed burgers (which provides a better life for the cow) failed to address the misuse of the resources needed to create a happier cow. Although my taste buds were a bit worried at first, my craving and addiction for meat and dairy products has subsided. To my surprise, I have even developed a distaste for animal products.

One of the big reasons I participated in the animal food chain for so long was to avoid offending or inconveniencing others. The idea of seeming ungrateful was unthinkable to me. Now that I see how the meat and dairy industry harms people, animals and the planet, I'm no longer concerned about being overly polite or unnecessarily accommodating. If a simple, "no thank you" offends someone, perhaps the examination of good manners falls on them. It may sound picky or precious to abstain from certain "foods," but personal freedom is something I feel very fortunate to exercise and celebrate.

Karma yoga planted some mindfulness seeds that have finally taken over my kitchen. It's not a stretch to expand concepts of nourishment to include: caring about the health of farmers, the land and water, needless suffering of animals, and the elimination of harmful chemicals in our food systems.

Even though I won't be following any recipes from my grandma's cookbook, I will be using her nurturing intentions. She was a karma cook of another generation. Access to organic food, resources and information allow me to continue her legacy, by turning up the heat on love, the main ingredient in all of her dishes.

~May all beings be free from suffering~

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Hustle-free Holidays

     
Lights & Reflections
     In American Christmas culture it seems like one either identifies with the Grinch, or Saint Consumer Claus. For many years I chose to follow the ways of the shopping saint. As a youngster, it was deeply important that I purchased and/or made gifts for nearly everyone in my life. I would inevitably fail at the task. The fun of having matched some people with a special gift was canceled out by the disappointed of not including everyone.

I couldn't keep up (and lost interest), in finding stuff for all the people I loved. I wanted to stop the obligatory treasure hunt, but was afraid of being judged and misunderstood. So I continued for a while longer, hoping I would eventually turn into the person Santa expected me to be. The more I tried to participate in gifting, the more disconnected I felt from the beauty of the quiet season.

Practicing Presence
Eventually, not playing Christmas gifts became a celebrational decision for me. It's been over 10 years since I stopped equating love with presents. Not even the modified ways of consuming Christmas have caught my interest. When I hear things like, "Oh we don't buy gifts for everyone anymore," it still sounds like unnecessary shopping. It's been suggested that I could simply buy gift cards, subscriptions to magazines, shop online, or participate in the name drawing game. When I report that I've opted out on all the above, I'm usually met with blank and uncomfortable stares. It's an unintentional conversation stopper.

Now I find my resonance enjoying colorful lights, seasonal smells, and turning up the music. It's a great time for connecting with people, being alone, and getting outside into nature. I feel joy for those who are joyful at this time. I also feel sadness and despair for those who continue to suffer in great ways, all over the world. Heartfelt connection can also be hard felt. There seems to be an abundance of opportunity to feel it all. Making the silent nights, the most holy nights, for letting it all settle in.

Birthday Suit Stocking
Lately I've been wondering if my birthdate has anything to do with the kicking and screaming I sometimes feel like doing during the holidays? After joining the world on Christmas Eve, I was put into a stocking the nurses made, and sent home. The gift of being alive was my first and greatest present, but I'm sure it must have involved some kicking and crying.

I often receive condolences regarding my birth date. When required to show someone my driver's license, it's frequently  followed by that familiar head shake. "What a bummer." "You must have gotten so ripped off."  Sometimes I feel obligated to defend my inner-child, by letting them know about my loving and generous family. Though these corrections never seem to register. "Still, that sucks having your birthday on Christmas!" In reality, it was as if my holidays were on steroids. Two presents, a cake, and birthday singing! It doesn't matter. Somehow, "You must have gotten screwed," never fails to be uttered in some form or another. Maybe folks are just trying to comfort me? Do they really think that receiving the maximum number of presents is the whole point of holiday enjoyment? If so, I should probably be the one doing the consoling. Thankfully, I have developed a good sense of humor around all of these "poor you" assumptions.
Looking outside, I see the snow falling, and feel happy that this is enough. I'm grateful for the people in my life, everyday experiences, access to clean food and water, the ability to get adequate sleep, creating and promoting health and find daily inspiration from mother nature. May we all find time to celebrate the light within ourselves, and each other. Making room for all who celebrate this time of year, in all the different ways.

~May we all live in presence~

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Everyday Explorers

Let it Crack.
     A discount airline with a squirrel on the wing returned me from California last week. During the slow taxiing to the gate, I contemplated arrival on a cold Minnesota night. Everything felt so extreme. A week in the Los Angeles area with temperatures reaching over 100°F, emphasized that feeling. From one extreme to another, and that was just the weather.

A satisfying dose of summer travel has helped me shake up some familiar habit patterns. New scenes are so effective in getting my full attention. Encounters with traffic jams and waterfalls were able to show me where I tighten up, and where I feel most free. Friends and family reflected back where I've grown and where I still need to do some planting. Some emotional uprooting helped clear new paths of understanding with loved ones. Oh yeah, and a sprinkling of misunderstandings just to round it all off.

Passing Moments.
When in travel mode, surroundings are often perceived as extraordinary. Food seems extra flavorful, color palettes stand out even more, and everyone seems abnormally interesting. Monotony doesn't really exist in traveler's mind. Unless of course you stay long enough, which I usually do. With exposure, everything starts to crack a little. And luckily, as Leonard Cohen pointed out, 'that's where the light gets in.'

Noticing what I bring to a situation, whether or not I unpack my attachments and conditioning, is always eye opening. What outdated notions did I bring along? Is there a compost bin where I can toss these worn out ideas or behaviors? Staying current with ourselves and each other is as valuable as getting up to date.

Thankfully, conscious breathing is the ultimate portable travel tool. Mentally, emotionally, and anatomically, we are continually in the process of inflating or deflating ourselves. We see our response to the moment when resisting an inhale, holding onto an exhale, or being at ease. In any moment, is your body breathing with acceptance or resistance? It takes frequent trips inside of ourselves (surfing our own everyday extremes), to go where many have never been. For everyday explorers, continually arriving and taking off is found in the vast terrain of the present moment.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Finding Grace in Losing Face

Even the Buddha loses his head.
     While learning about massage and bodywork over the years, one common precaution tends to echo throughout the modalities. When people receive bodywork, you never know what will arise. This brings to mind a 10-day cranio-sacral (subtle bodywork) course I once attended. Although the seeds were being planted, I think I was the only one in the group who didn't believe that 'your issues live in your tissues.'

Fast forward a bunch of years... my issues are definitely alive in my tissues. Sometimes this awareness happens during meditation, yoga, or massage. I've also had the honor of witnessing many others dive beneath their thoughts, into the somatic experience of being alive. As the fascinating book, The Body Keeps the Score explains, there's so much more to our operating systems than what we are consciously aware. 

Exploring the subtle and energetic body is no small adventure. In fact, a deep yoga practice doesn't always sound like an easy invitation. Lately, I've been doing a great job at keeping it on the lighter side. When something deeper does arise, I'm pretty quick to put a harsh spin on it, dismiss it entirely, or cut the practice short. My mind has been negotiating a stay in the shallow end of the pool, avoiding those attention saturated, subtle body experiences.

Cutting myself short in this way started translating into some pretty unskillful and distorted communication with others as well. Of course! Seeing this direct connection has helped me slowly deepen my own experience again. I want to practice being a better listener, for myself and others. If I do lose my head, I'd like it to be because I'm inhabiting my whole body.

Getting back to some multi-layered, body focused practices can bring tears, extreme discomfort, unexpected irritation, indescribable joy, and much more. I can no longer doubt what deep listening and allowing can bring to light. Instead of wasting precious energy on creating detours and road closures for myself, I now see the importance of holding the uncomfortable even more gently.





Sunday, April 9, 2017

Now the Sun's Coming Up

   
   
Shadow & Light (Yin/Yang).
      I've been living with an open invitation these past few months. Open to experiencing all the uncomfortable aspects of being a human. Feeling at times, like I'm stumbling around in the dark, hitting my head on unexpected objects. When sensations of pain or discomfort arise, my reflexive habit wants to rush in with distraction. Distraction deadens down the unfamiliar and unpleasant sensations. I've been kindly asking those distracted rescue habits to take a break, in order to feel life more fully.

In a world filled with obvious despair, my own feeling tone had become tired, dark, and heavy. I was starting to wonder, how does anyone come out from the weight of the unending atrocities surrounding us? I found comfort in knowing that there is never yin (darkness) without yang (light).

Although it didn't coordinate with the calendar's first day of spring, I'm finally feeling the seasons change from inside my body. There is a distinct lightness in my step (I give credit to Feldenkrais classes for helping me find this new bounce), and lightness in my heart.

Tend Your Garden.
Light has come. It's shining on the truth of impermanence, the law of nature. For a few moments, I imagine humanity as a giant garden. Stocked with perennials, annuals, edibles, noxious weeds, poisonous fruits, and dead branches. Some of us root deep and take over large areas. Destroying other plants in the process. Some only bloom once. Some sprout out of garbage dumps. There are bunk, beneficial, and contaminated seeds. This imagery inspires me to care-fully tend my own soil and garden. It dares me to feel joy in a perfectly imperfect world.

Mary Oliver asks, 'What are you going to do with your one wild and precious life?' My heart knows the answer to be presence. Yes, I want to be fully present with my one wild and precious life. I want to be willing to accept change within and around me. Willing to feel and evolve in any given moment.

             ~Every inhale enters into darkness, returning the exhale to the light.~


Tuesday, November 22, 2016

United States of Ourselves

     
Out of the Shadows
     With a silent soundtrack, I meet the ground with my body. Looking into what feels uneasy in me. Waiting with non-judgmental curiosity for whatever shows up. I want to know, where does resentment live in my body? What does it feel like? I watch the waves of discomfort as they arise and pass away.

 Since the election results, I've been diving into my own shadows. Aspects of myself sequestered to an unconscious realm are getting a warm welcoming back. I need to feel what is plaguing our society in my own body/mind. It's been a nauseating practice. When I felt the first ripple of resentment emerge, I almost didn't recognize myself. Resentment has a different quality than some of it's better known relatives. Anger and rage are easier to identify, more socially acceptable, and expected. With injustice all around us, tapping into anger is as easy as 1, 2, 3. Resentment is more elusive.

Every time we buy into thinking we're not quite enough, resentment sprouts. We feed insecurity to ourselves, our families, and friends (in commonplace, unconscious ways). Comparing ourselves with others has become a sickness. As Theodore Roosevelt noted, "Comparison is the thief of joy." As young children we notice the disparities. We juxtapose the opportunities and lifestyles of our peers. We even try to size up our experiences of love. If we come up short on anything, these feelings of 'not quite enough' may try to hide out, taking residency as chronic tension, stress, and anxiety. From this place of lack, we vote, hoard our belongings, and further feed illusions of separateness.

No matter how fortunate one may appear, feelings of not having enough are often hiding under the surface. Inadequacy becomes a mind-set that is independent of actual circumstances. We all want more of something, whether it's job satisfaction, unconditional love, money, respect, relationship success, contentment, stamps in our passport, attractiveness, talent, wit, health, power, or something else.

In addition to standing up and protecting the oppressed, we need to acknowledge the tyranny that exists within our own body/minds. We can continue to validate our inner oppressor, or overthrow it with awareness. Every time I act in disgust towards those I love, or use punishing and controlling behavior in any way, I empower my inner oppressor. Anytime I disregard another to get something I want, I feed the greed of the world. For comfort, we all build walls around ourselves. It's not just happening at the borders. Unchecked, these walls get stronger.

Bringing all of this internal tension out from the shadows, frees up the vital energy used in keeping it away. With compassionate understanding, I invite my stuck habits and deep conditioning to my meditation/yoga practice. All mental and emotional states, however seemingly outdated are allowed to be noticed and felt. Caring for what's difficult in myself is essential for understanding others.

Ideas of self-care can evolve beyond extra large Margaritas and a hammock. Catering to our senses is not necessarily care at all. Staying busy, distracted, and numb are actually the insidious self-neglect strategies encouraged by our society. I may call it taking care of myself, when I'm actually just engaging in some form of overindulgence, or avoidance tactic.

In order to prevent corruption, the government within myself needs ongoing investigating. I need to keep a close inner eye on my strong opinions department. My labeling and categorizing of people department causes problems, especially when I don't think I have that department. I can't forget to check into my moral police force, and all the other miscellaneous dogma I've unintentionally accumulated in my psyche. Left unchecked, self-sabotaging mind states flourish and contaminate those around us. It is up to us to take a regular and honest inventory of our thoughts, righteous beliefs, and behaviors they create. Society benefits when we can petition our own mind closures, and emotional road blocks.

Being with our difficult emotions, feelings, and sensations is a revolutionary act. The willingness to be with our own emotional pain is a form of personal and political activism. Uniting our own states, means bravely recognizing our limiting thought patterns, fear, inherited grief, pettiness, sadness, and all of the challenging aspects of being a human being. Compassionate awareness is an antidote. Bravely investigating our inner terrain, we can make better friends with ourselves. Softening our hearts around our own difficulties, we can better connect and unite outside of ourselves.

~May our hearts open in boundless compassion for the benefit of all beings everywhere ~